Ain't that the truth. Sigh.

Truth time.

i dont want my daughter to look anything like me because im not pretty. i've never be considered beautiful by any means. pretty average looking. Ive more gotten attention for having a large chest and for being kinda loud and out going. in fact it has been pointed out to me thats the reason male attention is directed my way because of having larger breast. im okay with that. since finding out this is going to be a girl its been on my mind. i want her, just like kade and landon to always be confident. since being here in alabama kade has come home feeling less then because hes not black or white, that hes mexican. I dont want him to be ashamed of who he is but i know where hes coming from. Ive always wished my skin tone was lighter. i feel like ive failed him because ive pasted on part of me that i cant change and that i dont like about myslef. i think hes beautiful and i was greatful that he is lighter then me, i guess not enough though for him to not feel the same way that ive felt. i dont really know what else to say. I guess i'll sleep on it. guidance?

Time for a change, or change comes with time?

So were here...well we've been here for a week Monday. Its hot and muggy. 'Nuff said? The rain helps bring the temperature down but with that comes even more mugginess. BLEH! The trip went fairly smoothly. I had slight coronaries with the amount of times we had to stop and  fuel up. It was a pleasant surprise though that the farther away from CO the more the gas prices dropped. The gas station sign right by our house reads 3.19 for regular. I wonder what the prices are doing back home? Here they have been dropping, when we got here they were 3.30. I'm quickly learning my way around but its just weird being here. Its weird that I can't just drive to my moms house for a visit and that there aren't any mountains here.=[ [Now for a small session of Kids Say the Darnedest Things. Landon was asking me before we moved if once we moved there we could go muddin and 4wheeling. I told him that there wasn't really any mountains there and he replied. WHAT?!!? No mountains. Ught uhhh I am NOT going to live in a place without mountains! Are they broken or something?]

2100sqft of loveliness is what I call my new home. Its seriously gorgeous. The only things that need to be done are reviving some of the law and kicking some cactus to thee curb. Aren't you jealous? Leaving them would be an accident waiting to happen between the dogs and kiddos. I hear you can send them in to shock and kill them by giving them too much water. Can you believe that? Made me giggle.

What else is new? Not too much. Can't wait for JPPSO to bring all of our stuff so we can start making the house a home and for Brian to sign in and get SRP over with so we can get our moving allowance. Guess what we get to spend our money on?! No no nothing exotic nor overly fun. Drum roll please....washer, dryer, and fridge since that's what our house is lacking. That is where my OCD came in handy. I refused to move  until all the laundry was washed and dryed. Granted that wont help with our food cooling needs but that's where Rentacenter helps. Oh well at least after all this I will have them paid off and mine for ever and ever and everrr!!!

Oh oh oh!!! Brian made points! Can you say Sergeant Ingraldi??! Well that's all for now. I hope everyone back home is doing well. As soon as I have updates on the baby I'll post.

Life isn't always beautiful, sigh.

So yeah. I have become acutely aware of this of late. I don't know if its the stress of the 2 moves (to my mom's house and then to GA on the 17th) but seriously I feel so drained and disconnected. I feel like I really don't have anyone to talk to and all I really need is just to a cry-fest. Just let all the frustrations and stress out without judgement. I don't know what's changed between us. He would rather be on his phone playing stupid shit or searching for shit he doesn't need on Craigslist. I try to talk and all that results is shit getting blamed on hormones or that I am personally attacking him. I can sit right next to him and not even get acknowledged. It feels like the only time I get to feel like I'm something, like I am in part of a relationship is when we're around certain people. I don't know whats changed? It just makes me so mad. I have always been one of those people that you can't just say I love you too or buy things for me to feel loved, I need the physical attention. I know that makes me needier then others and in turn more difficult to be with. I try so hard to show everyone that mean anything to me that they are cared for and loved and wanted. Maybe I am setting my boys up for failure with that notion that the only they are loved is if someone shows them love in that particular way but its the only I know. As for the move, I realize that's what comes with when you are with a military man but damnit I would love to hear something other then that as a response when someone asks me how I feel about moving. I'm hoping that after all the stressers are resolved that things might go back to some sort of normalcy.

Promises of tomorrow don't always get you through tonight.

This just in.

Brian, dear Brian, just informed me that he has tried the pets treats "to make sure they are good." This is what I am married too... Yep. Shockingly, I'm not really that surprised.

So here's whats new with us. We're starting the moving proses. Sigh, yes this again. Oh how I enjoy tearing down and shifting everything. My house my be a freaking mess but damn it, I know where everything is in my cluttered chaos. We have 10 days to pull this off. We need to get out of the apartment on the first. Oh here's the best part. The "Army" is moving all of our big things but since we had false information we get to move everything to my mom's home then they are going to come to her house to repack everything that I am already packing. Happy happy joy joy.

Side note. It warms my heart that we can be there for people, helping them out when they need it but as soon as we ask for help we get a sure man and not even a day later BLAM, uh sorry I have other shit going on. How precious are they.

I'm hoping that this time we stick to one home for more then a year. Wait. Do I? This means actually living in GA when I really don't even have any desire to visit there. trying to think of positives. Ummm ummm ummm ummm ummm. I hear there are a few really gorgeous places out in the country. Florida and the shore aren't too far away. Yeah that's all I got. Mmkay well I feel better. Until next time.

Oh oh oh. We got to see baby last Monday! Everything is going and growing as it should. Saw a little heart beats. It was really touching to see Bry get so excited over just a little spot on a computer screen. Never got to experience excitement from the male said of the equation.

There's nothing that I do better then revenge.

Aw my comedic relief for tonight

Bwahahaha. So Landon just spent the last 10 minutes on the pot. While he was washing his hands we reminded him to flush the toilet. He ran over and did it and yell bye bye snake-y while laughing maniacly. This kid its too much sometimes.