Friday, June 10, 2011

Life isn't always beautiful, sigh.

So yeah. I have become acutely aware of this of late. I don't know if its the stress of the 2 moves (to my mom's house and then to GA on the 17th) but seriously I feel so drained and disconnected. I feel like I really don't have anyone to talk to and all I really need is just to a cry-fest. Just let all the frustrations and stress out without judgement. I don't know what's changed between us. He would rather be on his phone playing stupid shit or searching for shit he doesn't need on Craigslist. I try to talk and all that results is shit getting blamed on hormones or that I am personally attacking him. I can sit right next to him and not even get acknowledged. It feels like the only time I get to feel like I'm something, like I am in part of a relationship is when we're around certain people. I don't know whats changed? It just makes me so mad. I have always been one of those people that you can't just say I love you too or buy things for me to feel loved, I need the physical attention. I know that makes me needier then others and in turn more difficult to be with. I try so hard to show everyone that mean anything to me that they are cared for and loved and wanted. Maybe I am setting my boys up for failure with that notion that the only they are loved is if someone shows them love in that particular way but its the only I know. As for the move, I realize that's what comes with when you are with a military man but damnit I would love to hear something other then that as a response when someone asks me how I feel about moving. I'm hoping that after all the stressers are resolved that things might go back to some sort of normalcy.

Promises of tomorrow don't always get you through tonight.