Life isn't always beautiful, sigh.

So yeah. I have become acutely aware of this of late. I don't know if its the stress of the 2 moves (to my mom's house and then to GA on the 17th) but seriously I feel so drained and disconnected. I feel like I really don't have anyone to talk to and all I really need is just to a cry-fest. Just let all the frustrations and stress out without judgement. I don't know what's changed between us. He would rather be on his phone playing stupid shit or searching for shit he doesn't need on Craigslist. I try to talk and all that results is shit getting blamed on hormones or that I am personally attacking him. I can sit right next to him and not even get acknowledged. It feels like the only time I get to feel like I'm something, like I am in part of a relationship is when we're around certain people. I don't know whats changed? It just makes me so mad. I have always been one of those people that you can't just say I love you too or buy things for me to feel loved, I need the physical attention. I know that makes me needier then others and in turn more difficult to be with. I try so hard to show everyone that mean anything to me that they are cared for and loved and wanted. Maybe I am setting my boys up for failure with that notion that the only they are loved is if someone shows them love in that particular way but its the only I know. As for the move, I realize that's what comes with when you are with a military man but damnit I would love to hear something other then that as a response when someone asks me how I feel about moving. I'm hoping that after all the stressers are resolved that things might go back to some sort of normalcy.

Promises of tomorrow don't always get you through tonight.

This just in.

Brian, dear Brian, just informed me that he has tried the pets treats "to make sure they are good." This is what I am married too... Yep. Shockingly, I'm not really that surprised.

So here's whats new with us. We're starting the moving proses. Sigh, yes this again. Oh how I enjoy tearing down and shifting everything. My house my be a freaking mess but damn it, I know where everything is in my cluttered chaos. We have 10 days to pull this off. We need to get out of the apartment on the first. Oh here's the best part. The "Army" is moving all of our big things but since we had false information we get to move everything to my mom's home then they are going to come to her house to repack everything that I am already packing. Happy happy joy joy.

Side note. It warms my heart that we can be there for people, helping them out when they need it but as soon as we ask for help we get a sure man and not even a day later BLAM, uh sorry I have other shit going on. How precious are they.

I'm hoping that this time we stick to one home for more then a year. Wait. Do I? This means actually living in GA when I really don't even have any desire to visit there. trying to think of positives. Ummm ummm ummm ummm ummm. I hear there are a few really gorgeous places out in the country. Florida and the shore aren't too far away. Yeah that's all I got. Mmkay well I feel better. Until next time.

Oh oh oh. We got to see baby last Monday! Everything is going and growing as it should. Saw a little heart beats. It was really touching to see Bry get so excited over just a little spot on a computer screen. Never got to experience excitement from the male said of the equation.

There's nothing that I do better then revenge.

Aw my comedic relief for tonight

Bwahahaha. So Landon just spent the last 10 minutes on the pot. While he was washing his hands we reminded him to flush the toilet. He ran over and did it and yell bye bye snake-y while laughing maniacly. This kid its too much sometimes.

It's all over but the crying.

Something to cheer up a sad day.

I love the fact that (not so) little bitty Landon likes to eat with utensils that are obviously way to big for his little mouth.




.rest.in.peace.small bitty little soul.

Hello litle love of mine.

Hello my little rosebud. Its your mommy. I realize right now your too small to hear me so I'll talk to your soul that's floating around where ever souls do their little souly thing. I can't wait till I can feel you move around and kick. It almost hasn't even set in that I'm carrying you. My bubbies hurt, that's all that is different. I wonder what you will be like. Will you be outgoing like Landon or quiet like Kaden? (Those are your big brothers by the way.) We can't wait to meet you. If you're a little miss your name will be Helena Esabella or if you decide to grow a sprout its going to Xerek Asher. Will you look like daddy or me? What wil you go up to be? Will I be able to show all three of you how very much I love each of you?
I love you.
Mommy

4:33

Seriously. That ^ is the freaking time right now. In the AM and I have still yet to sleep today. WHY??!?!?! Ohhhh why me? Oh yes, I remember now. Its one of the strange "symptoms" that have come along with this pregnancy. Yep that's right. Pregnancy. For one YAY!!!! Lets celebrate for 3.2 seconds. Yippy, hurrah, huzzah and other excited sounding hooplar! We're pregnant, we're pregnant! Didn't take any time at all for the lovely and I. He came home March 10th and we found out I was preggers April 1st. That was fun telling people on April Fools Day of all days. Today I am 7 weeks and 5 days along. Landon is thrilled about the rosebud. He gets up every morning feeling like P Diddy (Oh wait no, that's not right. Sorry I got distracted) bright eyed and bushy tailed with good mornings to me and my tummy. Kado I'm not too sure about. He makes sure Landon doesn't get too rowdy because he's convinced that Landon will break the baby's ears off if it gets to loud but other then that he doesn't say much. I've gone to the 1st OB appointment and it was uneventful other then the labs and NASTY glucose test. We (and when I say we, I mean me and hopefully Brian) get to see our little rosebud on the 16th of this month. We both really have our heart set on a baby girl but as long as the baby is healthy then obviously we're more then over joyed! It's due to come join our family the 9th of Dec. Which by the way urghhh. That just made me think of something. Summer pregnancy in GA. Doesn't that sound like so much fun!? No, not really. Maybe I should join Bry at Ft Benning after I have the baby. I wonder how he would feel about that one? I'm guessing that one probably wouldn't go over too well. Oh well, its was nice thought. Bleh. Ramble ramble ramble. That's all this post is but what do you expect out of me after no sleep? I think I shall try and get 2 hours of  sleep before I need to get up and start my day. Here's to the new baby and hoping that this whole pregnancy isn't insomniac ridden.

XO Cris